10.2.1 Shapefiles are unable to be spatially modified

Create a basic shapefile (i'm doing polys) in ArcCatalog. WGS 84, unknown, doesn't matter... Don't even add fields, z, or m if you don't feel like it.

Try to edit it in ArcMap.

Start editing? Yes
Edit values for table (if data exists b/c it was exported from an FC, since, well, see below)? Yes
Create a feature? No. The world according to Arc ends swiftly and unabashedly.
Edit an existing (exported) feature's geometry? Nope. Naggana' do it. splosion'

I know this was an issue in the 10.2 release and there were both cries to 'convert to FCs' and
'here's a patch and this should be resolved in the 10.2.1 general release'. Neither of which helps me today.

It's borderline ridiculous.

Windows 7
desktop - 10.2.3497
background geoprocessing 64-bit - 10.2.3497
Mapping and charting - 10.2.3498
Patch 1 for the production, defense, and the associated files.
I installed the 'print dialog hang patch' hoping maybe the fix was stowing away in there somewhere. Spoiler alert: it is not.

Fairly new install, maybe 1 week or so.

Please help your friend Randy out.

Thanks.
-Randy